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BOE - Balance Offers Empowerment ACA Meeting Format

 Opening

Good evening everyone. .Welcome to BOE – Balance Offers Empowerment Recovery Group . My name is ________________, and I’m a _______________.

Whatever you are experiencing, BOE is meant to be a safe and supportive place for you. BOE was founded by Redcorn – a young visionary from Navajo Nation. may he rest in peace. He chose the name “Balance Offers Empowerment” to inspire healing and strength in Native Americans and all people. Redcorn believed that many of us carry the weight of generational trauma, addiction, and poverty without even realizing it. When we feel empowered, we feel hope and zest for life. Our inner warrior is ignited. We become agents of change in our Native community. 

 

Readings

1. The Problem  

I’ve asked _______________ to read: The Problem

Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional household. We had come to feel isolated and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we became people-pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. All the same we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat. We either became alcoholics (or practiced other addictive behavior) ourselves, or married them, or both. Failing that, we found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment.

We lived life from the standpoint of victims. Having an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We got guilt feelings when we stood up for ourselves rather than giving in to others. Thus, we became reactors, rather than actors, letting others take the initiative. We were dependent personalities, terrified of abandonment, willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally. Yet we kept choosing insecure relationships because they matched our childhood relationship with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents.

These symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction made us “co-victims”, those who take on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink. We learned to keep our feelings down as children and kept them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, we confused love with pity, tending to love those we could rescue. Even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable relationships.

This is a description, not an indictment.

2. The Solution

I’ve asked _______________ to read The SOLUTION.

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The solution is to become your own loving parent.
As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears that you have kept inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carryovers from the past.

You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions.

You will recover the child within you, learning to accept and love yourself.

The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation.

ACA is a spiritual program based on action coming from love. Working the 12 Steps allows us to be increasingly honest and humble. As the sense of shame and abandonment fades, we gain hope, serenity, and a strong sense of self-worth.
 

3. Tony A’s 12 Steps

I’ve asked _______________ to read the ACA 12 Steps.

1. 1. We admitted we were powerless over the effects of living with alcoholism and that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. 2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could bring us clarity.

3. 3. We made a decision to practice self-love and to trust in a Higher Power of our understanding.

4. 4. We made a searching and blameless inventory of our parents because, in essence, we had become them.

5. 5. We admitted to our Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our childhood abandonment.

6. 6. We were entirely ready to begin the healing process with the aid of our Higher Power.

7. 7. We humbly asked our Higher Power to help us with our healing process.

8. 8. We became willing to open ourselves to receive the unconditional love of our Higher Power.

9. 9. We became willing to accept our own unconditional love by understanding that our defects of character are survival traits.

10. 10. We continued to take personal inventory and to love and approve of ourselves.

11. 11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our Higher Power, praying only for knowledge of its will for us and the power to carry it out.

12. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we carried our message to others who still suffer.

13. Fellowship Welcome​

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i want to welcome everyone to the BOE Meeting.  We are so glad you are here.   If it's your first meeting we want to offer you a special welcome.  Whatever you are going through, chances are someone here has been there.  No matter how far down the scale yo have gone, you will discover how your experience can benefit others.  You are not alone. We recover together.  If you care to, please introduce yourself by first name only. No to ambarrass you, but so we can get to know you better.  If you are calling in remember to push *6 on your phone.

Encouragement and Guidelines

- Attend 6 meetings in a row if possible to begin coming out of denial.
- This is a safe space to share your truth without judgment.
- Please limit shares to 5 minutes so all may have a chance.
- No cross talk – we don’t interrupt, advise, or respond to others during sharing.
- Confidentiality is essential – what’s said here stays here.
 

We’re going to start out with a 30 second feelings checkin. We will post a feelings wheel in the chat.  Please pick several feelings and introduce yourself. You will have time to share about those feelings later.
 

 

Meeting Type & Sharing

Today’s meeting is a _________________ (Examples: Step Study, Open Discussion, Topic, Tradition Study, etc.)

Let’s begin sharing. (Leader may call on hands raised, or go around the room)
 

Closing Section

Thank you all for your shares.  If you have more to share please message someone or give us your phone number. Part of recovery is working with another person.

Are there any   announcements?  Native Empowerment is a movement making change.  If you wish to learn more let Carmen know. We have meetings.

If time allows: Does anyone else want to share before we close? If you didn’t get to share, please connect with someone after the meeting.
 

ACA Promises

1. 1. We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.

2. 2. Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.

3. 3. Fear of authority figures and the need to “people-please” will leave us.

4. 4. Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.

5. 5. As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.

6. 6. We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.

7. 7. We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.

8. 8. We will choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.

9. 9. Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.

10. 10. Fears of failure and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices.

11. 11. With help from our ACA support group, we will slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors.

12. 12. Gradually, with our Higher Power’s help, we will learn to expect the best and get it.

Will _______________ please close the meeting with a prayer of your choice?
Let’s stand and form a circle by holding hands.

Keep coming back. It works!
 

ACA Affirmations (Optional Reflection or Handout)

• I am lovable and I am enough.

• I have the right to say no.

• I am not responsible for other people’s feelings.

• I honor my inner child.

• I trust my inner guidance.

• I am safe now.

• I deserve to be treated with respect.

• I am worthy of love.

• I set healthy boundaries.

• I am healing more each day.

• I am not alone anymore.

 

 

The laundry list

1. 1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

2. 2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.

3. 3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.

4. 4. We either became alcoholics ourselves, married them, or both, or found another compulsive personality such as a workaholic.

5. 5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness.

6. 6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility; it's easier to be concerned with others than ourselves.

7. 7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves.

8. 8. We became addicted to excitement.

9. 9. We confuse love and pity and tend to love people we can rescue.

10. 10. We have 'stuffed' our feelings and lost the ability to feel or express them.

11. 11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.

12. 12. We are dependent personalities terrified of abandonment.

13. 13. Alcoholism is a family disease; we became para-alcoholics.

14. 14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

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     We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.
2.           Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.
3.           Fear of authority figures and the need to “people-please” will leave us.
4.           Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.
5.           As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.
6.           We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.
7.           We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.
8.          We will choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.
9.           Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.
1.            Fears of failure and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices.
2.           With help from our ACA support group, we will slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors.
3.           Gradually, with our Higher Power’s help, we will learn to expect the best and get it.